Gratitude. I must admit that this is something that hasn’t always come easily to me. In the past, I was somewhat of a blind optimist, excited for everything in my life. More recently, some of the struggles in my life have gotten to me, and I went through a time where I really had to look harder in order to feel a sense of gratitude for anything that I had.

In times of uncertainty, it’s easy for anxiety levels to rise. I know I’ve felt it – the worry of walking past a stranger on a necessary grocery store trip and wondering if they could have the virus. The obsessive use of hand sanitizer after I touch anything. Walking the other direction at the park after seeing someone cough without covering their mouth. The realization of just how often I touch my face. The tension and boredom of being stuck at home with no place to go.

Last year, I missed my own birthday.

I actually went out to dinner with two close friends for my 31^st birthday. But I wasn’t really there. The reason was because I was experiencing my second manic-psychotic episode during that outing. The chemicals in my brain were roaring in imbalance. I might as well have been on drugs, because I had become an entirely different person.

In a few (since deleted) posts I’ve shared on my blog, I alluded to the fact that the past year and half has been a tough time period for me. I struggled for a while with whether or not I should share what’s been going on, but I feel that not talking about this has created a bit of a writer’s block for me. In the spirit of unblocking myself, here’s the truth of what’s been going on in my life.