Motherhood is an experience that is both challenging and rewarding. Despite having many friends who became mothers before me, and despite listening to them tell me about their experiences, there was absolutely nothing that could have prepared me for the reality of motherhood. There were parts that were way more difficult than I anticipated, but there are also parts that are so much better than I could ever have imagined.

Over the past few years, I’ve put on a lot of weight. It actually started with a medication that I had to take for bipolar disorder. One of the side effects was that I put on a few pounds. But it wasn’t until recently, when I got pregnant with my first child, that the weight really started to pile on. During my pregnancy, I was a bit overwhelmed at the rate at which I was gaining weight, and it was hard to prevent it from happening. I was constantly hungry, and as my pregnancy progressed, I replaced going to the gym with more leisurely walks because I was constantly winded and tired from my workouts.

When I was first diagnosed with bipolar, I suffered from a variety of seriously negative thoughts and emotions. From feelings of embarrassment and shame, to feeling abandoned by people I cared about, to feeling confused about my diagnosis, my mind was constantly overwhelmed and bombarded.

As a big fan of personality quizzes, I’ve spent a significant amount of time pondering whether or not I’m introverted or extroverted. There’s something so validating about taking a quiz and receiving a resulting reading that explains you and your behavior. I think it stems from our desire as humans to feel understood (and to understand ourselves).

Recently, my fiancée surprised me with flowers. It was a simple gesture, but it carried a lot of weight for me. As I cut my roses and placed them in a vase, I thought about all the times when I was single that I picked up flowers for myself.